Thursday, May 10, 2012

Not My Best Week








This week has been a bit of a disaster.  I know I am in a transition time and sometimes I don't do well with that.  But this week has not been my favorite.  By Wednesday I was calling everyone I knew who had a teenage daughter BEGGING them to babysit.  NOBODY could.  I finally called my mom.  I try not to ask her to babysit often.  I am sure she does not mind but I just want her to enjoy the kids on her own time not me forcing them on her.

I actually left the house before she came leaving Pete home a few extra hours just so I could get out early in the morning.  I really had no plan or destination I just knew I needed to get out...alone...
Well..not alone alone...Drew was with me. But compared to my usual numbers, that felt pretty alone.

Having my little guy with me made things a bit more difficult than I was thinking.  My idea of a perfect day right now would be to go some where and sit knitting, or not knitting...just be still not having to do ANYTHING!!! But even a day spent with Drew in my arms was just the "stillness" I needed.

Sometimes you think that getting away for a bit is all it will take to make everything feel great again.  I admit to feeling a lot better upon returning home..but today was not that great of a day either.  Kids fighting...fussy older girls, and really the fussy mama is the worst right now.

I know what the problem is...I have about 3 big things I want to get done.  If not get done at least begin working on them.  BUT I CAN'T!!  I can not get these things done during the day when little people are awake and about.  I need to accept that and be patient.  When Pete is done with school and back from Germany then I may get to chip away at these things.

I keep thinking that if I could just slowly work at it I may get somewhere...but each time I try I am unable to make progress and I get super frustrated by the surrounding "work" keeping me unable to "work".

And really...all of this is so NOT IMPORTANT and I know that.  I just let it feel important.  Being here.   Being ready.  Being focused.  That is important.

 And possibly staying away from other blogs so I am not tempted to think, "So and So from blog here and there has 24 children and she gets tons of things done all while living in a super clean and cute house, publishing 4 books in a row,  looking great in colored skinny jeans, knitting her 3rd lace shawl this week!!!"....that's what it feels like I read sometimes...

5 comments:

  1. Oh you know that folks are not going to hang their dirty laundry out on their blog for you. Hang in there hon.

    Elizabeth Foss - I read her regularly - writes that if her blog or anyone else's makes you feel inadequate - stop reading. That is not the intention of these blogs.

    Your job is very intense and you need "weekends" and "breaks" to knit, to nap to whatever.

    I have "only" two teen boys and a fulltime job. My house is often in shambles and the yard, well, let's not even go there. Knitting happens in little bits - sometimes I go months with out knitting, reading an outside book etc.

    As you know, this is not a competition.Be good to yourself. Blessings.

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  2. p.s. what i meant about needing weekends is that if yours were a paid job, you would have lunch breaks, weekends off etc. You don't, so you must schedule them. Regularly if possible. It's a chance to renew yourself.

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  3. p.p.s. except for the drool, I see so much of your husband in that first photo of your delicious baby.

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  4. oh my. i so so feel you. you know i try and remind myself when on others blogs that they are only showing the good bits of their day. they take the pictures in that one tidy spot.
    you have a brood there, be kind to yourself. i can totally sympathize. i feel like i have this pile of stuff i want to get done, but there never seems to be the time to even really get started. i seriously feel GREAT if during the week i can even knit at all let alone finish anything.
    i sort of had a "moment" this week, well maybe the whole week really... wondering what on earth i am doing. where am i going, what is happening. and the kids, i think, maybe pick up on all of that and just sort of, well, act out a bit more. i think they are wondering what on earth is up with mama. LOL
    i am happy to say that it has calmed down and i am feeling a bit more focused.
    ((hug))

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  5. http://cdn1.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/abidingmomsm1.jpg
    Hi Lisa, You might enjoy this link. I got this in my email box yesterday and it really made me think...I think it will make you feel good about what you do for your kids. Do I want to be a SUPER MOM or an ABIDING MOM

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