Thursday, May 10, 2012
Not My Best Week
I actually left the house before she came leaving Pete home a few extra hours just so I could get out early in the morning. I really had no plan or destination I just knew I needed to get out...alone...
Well..not alone alone...Drew was with me. But compared to my usual numbers, that felt pretty alone.
Having my little guy with me made things a bit more difficult than I was thinking. My idea of a perfect day right now would be to go some where and sit knitting, or not knitting...just be still not having to do ANYTHING!!! But even a day spent with Drew in my arms was just the "stillness" I needed.
Sometimes you think that getting away for a bit is all it will take to make everything feel great again. I admit to feeling a lot better upon returning home..but today was not that great of a day either. Kids fighting...fussy older girls, and really the fussy mama is the worst right now.
I know what the problem is...I have about 3 big things I want to get done. If not get done at least begin working on them. BUT I CAN'T!! I can not get these things done during the day when little people are awake and about. I need to accept that and be patient. When Pete is done with school and back from Germany then I may get to chip away at these things.
I keep thinking that if I could just slowly work at it I may get somewhere...but each time I try I am unable to make progress and I get super frustrated by the surrounding "work" keeping me unable to "work".
And really...all of this is so NOT IMPORTANT and I know that. I just let it feel important. Being here. Being ready. Being focused. That is important.
And possibly staying away from other blogs so I am not tempted to think, "So and So from blog here and there has 24 children and she gets tons of things done all while living in a super clean and cute house, publishing 4 books in a row, looking great in colored skinny jeans, knitting her 3rd lace shawl this week!!!"....that's what it feels like I read sometimes...