Sunday, February 5, 2012

If This Was A Real Journal

I would start this post with ..."Dear Diary, last week was a tough one! I am glad it is over and Sunday starts anew!!"
 Looking back I see the major problem...ME!!  I know exactly what I did...TO MUCH!  I wanted to prove to myself I COULD do it.  I could barely sleep, get up and run, teach a full day then run kids all over the place.  All the while tote my infant around hoping he would be game for all of this. He just needed to fit into MY plan.
 And as you can imagine...by Tuesday things were pretty much coming UNGLUED!!  I was putting Drew down every second I could so I could GET THINGS DONE..and he would pop right up crying.  What was the deal?  I had math to get through and Jack's reading lesson was almost done...aren't newborns SUPPOSED to sleep all the time? I would pick him up, nurse and then put him back down...and he would KEEP waking up CRYING!!  Then my mom came over so I could run the kids to their acting club.  She said she would watch Drew and she didn't care if he cried.  "OK, I will be right back!!"
When I came back Drew was sitting happily in her lap...NOT CRYING.
 OK...she just got lucky.  Never did it dawn on me that he was happy as a clam because the person holding him was NOT RUSHING around like mad.  But then she came back on Thursday and same thing happened!!  He was calm and peaceful and he was NOT nursing.....hmmm..maybe I should look at the way things are going in my day if I want a peaceful boy and me not CRYING along side my crying little man.
 So Thursday I cried a BUNCH...talked to my mom a BUNCH, and then decided I was super tired and when I got some sleep I would be able to handle things better.  When Friday morning came and I was STILL crying I knew that I had to really look at what I was doing.  Why did EVERYTHING feel so hard??
 Well, just letting myself admit that sometimes things are JUST hard was a huge relief.  When you have more than the average number of kids you feel like you can't admit that this many kids can be HARD.  But really...it can be.  So there, saying it helped me not be so afraid of it.  Great...that was done.  THIS IS HARD AND I AM NOT PERFECT AT IT!!!
 And instead of thinking that Drew was going to fit into the box I wanted him in I needed to spend some time figuring out what HE wanted.  He wanted ME!!  He wants me to hold him, look into his eyes..SLOW down.  Some of you may think..."This is the time you are supposed to enjoy."  I know...but that can be hard sometimes when the rest of your life needs so much of you still...sitting around just ENJOYING things is not always possible. 
 But this week I have a new plan...I am pledging to do less. Less running about trying to get it all DONE.   I am going to hold my boy as long as he wants.  I have several packs, slings and other things ready to help me out in that area.  I am going to adjust school so I can get things done but not at the expense of EVERYTHING else.  I am going to sit down with everyone more.  I may actually even do some reading with everyone without falling asleep.  I even have a better plan for the night time.  And I am happy to say that last night was night 1 of my new plan and things went MUCH better.
And that is what I would write in my diary.  I would probably add a few more details about other things that happened last week.  Like on Thursday night when I went to a baptism class and I was surrounded by other new mama's.  All tired!!  All loving their babies.  All trying to do the right things for these little people.  Being in that room made me feel so...good.  I felt like I was part of this wonderful group of people called moms. Simply put...women who have babies and are trying to do everything they can...give all they can.  I am one of them.  I try.  I am trying and sometimes I need to try harder in a different way.

 My life is not the same as it was before Drew came.  Everything has changed and I need to find the new normal..the new feel of this family and the new mama he is going to make me.
 And to close out this entry I would mention that today was a Blessed day for all of us..our little Drew was baptized.  And to make it even more special Pete and I became Godparents for our little Henry.
 We got to celebrate both these little boys together.  I might want to jot down that Drew cried A LOT during his baptism. Not that important to remember, but sometimes I forget the way things REALLY happened .  But as soon as we left my little man was happy to be going home to have some cake and be held by his mama!!

Here's to a new week...and new turn at getting things right.  Hoping to have better days this week..and I think I will.

p.s. One of my friends is waiting for me to mail something back to her.  I just wanted to tell her that I am so sorry.  I must admit to having a hard time getting to the post office the last 2 weeks.  I will get it to you SOON!!

8 comments:

  1. WOW! Your family is just beautiful. There are so many things in this post...Congratulations on this very, very special day. I'm so impressed at how nice your children look. Just dressing everyone for such an event is a monumental accomplishment....having them look so great...kudos to you. I love Jack winking.Your mom looks great. Finally, I think you are amazing. A c-section is no small thing to recover from. I wish I could tell you I know how you feel, but I only had three and didn't home school my children. My neighbor, however, had eight children and did homeschool. Some years they would finish on time and some summers they would go part days well into the summer. The beautiful thing you have right now is the freedom to do what is best for you and your family. I hope you have a great week!

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  2. Your family is so beautiful. Having a newborn myself I know exactly what you're going through. It's a wonderfully intense time full of so many different emotions. I too am still trying to find our "new normal." My little guy is #4, and I don't homeschool, so I can only imagine trying to make all that work, but you WILL figure it out! It sounds like you already are. For myself I'm not stressing this time around about where my little guy sleeps, and instead I'm just doing whatever works so I can get some rest. And if that's next to me all night so be it!! Hang in there my blog friend. Baby Drew is adorable, and such a blessing. I LOVE the pictures.

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  3. I have nominated you for the Versatile Bloggers Award! Please check out my blog on Monday, February 6th. I hope this award will bring you many new followers to your wonderful blog.

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  4. I only have two daughters but adding a new addition to any family is hard at first.I will be praying for you.... that you will get to have some extra special moments with your family.

    Blessings to you,

    ~~Renee

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  5. Great pics from the baptism of your little Drew! We are so happy for all of you. This is such a blessed and busy season of your life. Enjoy it because it passes quickly.

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  6. I love the "real-lifeness" of this post. I'm about to add #6 to our mix and my brain wants it all to just move along like our present normal...with just one more. I have a feeling I need to take a step back and re-evaluate my expectations. Perhaps even my expectations of the next couple of "waiting" weeks.

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  7. Congratulations! What a special day!

    Thank you for the reminder to slow down. We are due with number 6 June 5th. We should be finished with school by then, but I have so many things that I want to accomplish this summer. I should re-think those now.

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  8. Just the fact that you can even blog is Awesome! That in itself takes precious time! Your family is adorable and you sure do give it everything you've got! It is a difficult time for any new mother (and you have six) ~ give yourself a pat on the back....you will look back and realize what a great mother you are!

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