Friday, July 29, 2011

Fortunate Event

 In the crazy way life happens our has taken a major turn lately..
 Over the last 2 weeks the craziest most fortunate event has occurred...
 MY PARENTS HAVE MOVED TO VIRGINIA!!
 They are living about  10 minutes from our house.
 We were here about 3 weeks and my parents call and say.."Dad got a job in DC!"
 And 10 minutes after that phone call my parents moved here and now...
 cousins and uncles and various family members all come flocking!!
 Pete and I have never lived by family and I can't believe this is all happening...
 We could not have planned this any better..
 Lovin' the kisses and lovin' the cousins!!!

Can't wait until THANKSGIVING!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

All Done Crying!!

 A good old Coast Guard friend called the other day..poor thing.  I was in the middle of a major medical insurance nightmare and my sweet friend happened to call at the tale end of my drama...
"How are you Lisa?"
Never in her wildest dreams did she think I would tell her how I really was..."Well Kimberly I am a wreck right now..blah..blah..blah about the whole Dr. situation.  I feel as though I should spare you the details..poor Kimberly was not so lucky
 After I took a breathe she said.."Well, I just called to see if you wanted to meet me for a kids concert tomorrow?"  I said.."Yes we would love to come..let me call you right back to get details."
 And when I called this poor friend back I forgot I was calling for details about a fun afternoon I just continued to tell her my every thought on my whole life situation .  And right now my whole life situation is Home Schooling....
 "I just don't know how or why I am doing this anymore...I don't want to waste my whole kids young life with me FRETTING about every move I do or don't do.  I just want to be OK with my choice."
 I said several other things along those lines and my friend just listened and said a few things that really stuck.  She said that while she has chosen to send her kids to traditional school she always wonders about what it would be like to home school them.  She said, "I don't always love what goes on in school!!"
 Me neither!!  I don't always love what goes on with our home school.  I too wonder what it would be like to send my kids to traditional school.  But this is my CHOICE!!  I chose this and now I need to make a choice to embrace and not torture myself with my fear.
 If I choose to sit in a dark room with no lights turned on I can't be sad if I never CHOOSE to turn on the lights.  Same thing with home schooling. I chose to sit in this room and now if I want to stay here like this I have to CHOOSE to make it happen .
 All this sounds simple when I am writing to you..I know the implementation of this choice can be a bit more painful.  But my attitude definitely impacts  the outcome so I have got to have a good attitude going in.  I have to keep myself remembering that we will always wonder what it would be like to not live the life we have been given..to live someone else's life..but what will that get me??
 It will get me 15 years down the road wishing I could do it all over again. I don't want to be at the end of this party and wish that I did it all different.
 I want to enjoy this life of home schooling.  I want to not cry when faced with what lies ahead.  I want to make the right choices for all of us...including me!!
 And this is the right choice for me..staying where God has put me and choosing to embrace and enjoy every moment I can!!

So the bottom line is..I stopped crying..stopped feeling sorry for myself, planned for the 1st 4 weeks of 5th grade and the 1st weeks of 3rd grade..and now I feel..EXCITED!!  I get to do this!!  I GET TO DO THIS!!!

And by the way I had a GREAT time with my friend Kimberly and I never cried once!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Today I...

 Today I got out all my 5th grade books.  Gathered all my planners and sat down to map out this next year...
And then I came home and cried...home schooling is hard and I am scared of what this year will bring...and I have only just begun....

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Not A Great Helper...

 A few weeks ago I was helping at our new parishes VBS.  I got to Virginia and drove to my new house and then straight to the church.  When I got to the church I went right into the office and announced that we were FINALLY here.
 The lady at the front desk was excited and a little puzzled to meet me.  Should she have known we were coming?  I announced our arrival like it was public info.  I felt as though it should be.  I had moved to this area BECAUSE of the the church.
 I was here and thought they should know. And the best way for people to get to know you is if you put yourself out there.  That nice lady who was in charge of welcoming me to Holy Trinity gave me some info, "VBS is starting in July and the sign up closes tomorrow.  Would you like to register your kids?"..."Yes please and can I help?"
 And that was my first step in getting my new church to know me.  I got to volunteer in Molly's room and be a teacher assistant.  I was glad to not be the ACTUAL teacher...at first....
 And then day 2 came and I noticed that I had to suppress the urge to take over.  The teacher was doing a great job ...but I was having a hard time not being in charge.  What is my problem???  Sit back, relax and just HELP!!  That is all I was called to do..HELP!!
 There was another "helper" in the room with me who is a life long Boy Scout mom.  She was really neat to talk to because her life revolves very much around Boy Scouts and that is just so far from my scope of life I find it interesting to learn about.  I think I drove her INSANE!!  I think she liked chatting with me for the most part and I think she ultimately liked me...but I think I confused her.
 One day the kids had this art project that I found to be a bit "picky". They were making prayer boxes.  The little cardboard box was to be covered in a piece of aluminium.  The direction stated the kids were to rub a wooden dowel over a rubber stamp to impress the image onto the aluminum.  The rubbing was difficult and the design came out unrecognizable.  The kids were getting frustrated and I started going around telling the kids, "If you are having a hard time rubbing the design, just take your little dowel and make any design you want to.  It is your piece of art work...make it what you want."  Just the fact that the kids were getting to use he aluminum I thought was cool so why not let them enjoy making their own design. WELL...my other teacher helper was LESS THAN PLEASED WITH ME!!
I must have broken some sacred Boy Scout rule about doing what was DIRECTLY stated in the art project directions.  I felt her PANICKING!!  She was going up behind me telling all the kids..."That was NOT the directions!!!"  And I just continued reminding her and the children that this was an ART project not a SURVIVAL COURSE!!  I think there is room for different approaches...

But maybe what I should have really taken from the whole experience is some people are great helpers...I AM NOT!!!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Making THIS House A Home

 Boxes have been unpacked for awhile and we are definitely living in every square inch of this house.  There is still lots that needs to be done.  We have so many bare walls and lots of empty space.
 I am not complaining I am just noticing.  I look around and feel like the house looks a little ...empty. Not of people ...but of stuff.  Is this house "homey" enough?  What can I do to make it feel more.."homey"?
 I am not someone who just buys stuff for the sake of having stuff.  I like for purchases to be planned and purposeful...so I know stuff is not my answer...
 Time...time is my answer.  To make this place feel like our home I need time....
 Time to make house memories..make house moments.  Days filled with reading in comfy chairs and sitting around in PJ's until lunch.  Days where birthdays are celebrated and moments are shared.  Hot afternoons spent hiding in the basement watching movies.
 We need to make this house a home by living in it, sharing space and time in it.
And perhaps adding a curtain or two...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

On Being God's Messenger

Things happen for a reason and sometimes we don't understand the reason until all is said and done.  I know I am not the only person to point that out but when something happens to you and you  have clarity on the "why" it feels...profound.

I know God used me today for a specific reason and I feel so honored to have been part of His plan.  Let me explain....

 Yesterday I got myself all jazzed up for my 1st OB appointment.  I had asked many moms in the area where they go and they all said..."The Tepeyac Family Clinic!"  This clinic is a pro-life clinic that has devoted itself to helping women protect the sanctity of life and they do lots of it for free. I called 2 weeks ago and got my appointment for YESTERDAY at 10:15.  On Tuesday the office called to CONFIRM my WEDNESDAY appointment.  Great..all systems GO!!
 I was so looking forward to this appointment because I had yet to be seen with this baby and since I have had 2 miscarriage back to back I am a little...sensitive about this baby.  I go, check in, and sit down waiting for them to call me to hand me the 10 pound stack of new patient info.  Instead they call me to tell me that my appointment is not Today (Wednesday)...but Thursday.  Are you kidding me??  This is the clinic that all these moms say they can't live without??? 
 My heart is broken, no heartbeat today.  I am LIVID with anger..why did you guys call to confirm?  Are you kidding me?  Is this one of those situations that if I act right or wrong NBC's Dateline will come out from behind the closed doors and question my reaction....None of the above...just a "You can come back tomorrow for your regular appointment."  THIS IS MY REGULAR APPOINTMENT!!!  Anyway ..after some changing things around with Pete and the Dr.'s office I got an appointment for today.

 At first it was going to be late afternoon because Pete had to work today and then things got changed so he could go to work AFTER I got back.  I was all set to go hear my babies heart beat at 10:15!!
 I check in they hand me my paperwork and they tell me.".you will be seen by Dr. Anderson today."  Great!!  I just wanted to be seen!! I get through all the usual check in stuff and I sit in the room .  The nurse comes in and she gives me some info and then this guy opens the door and says.."Hi I am Dr. Bruchalski I am going to see you today instead of Dr. Anderson."  And then he says I will be right back.  He closes the door and I ask the nurse.."Is he the Dr. that started the clinic?"  "That's him," she says "And he is wonderful."
 I really knew very little about him outside of things people have told me.  I know he goes all over the country speaking about being a pro-life Dr. and that he is really well known in this area.  My first reaction was to be a little nervous...was I pregnant enough to command such a high profile Dr?  You know, very useful thoughts.  But as soon as he walked in the door I knew what people raved about.  You felt VERY taken care of and wonderfully looked after.
After he saw this was my 10th pregnancy he said to me.."I know we are not supposed to give you an ultrasound today..but I am sure after all those losses you would like to see this baby."  This guy ROCKS!!  He shows me my baby and all is good with the world!!

He then leads me to a small office to ask me if I have any more questions and I say.."Not really..just..is this going to hurt as much as last time?"  He just laughed and said, "You'll have to tell me!!"
He the bows his head and begins praying for me and my baby...for a blessed pregnancy and healthy outcome for all....

 And now this is where this all become clear for me..this is the part of the story that explains the why....
 After he gets done praying I look up at him and say.."You need to open a chain of these clinics!"  He stops dead still, stares at me REALLY hard and REALLY long and then he drops his head in his hands and begins to cry!!  I have to say ..I was FREAKING out..did he misunderstand me?  Did I insult him??  Why did I say such a silly thing after such a beautiful prayer...who talks about franchising something after someone prays over you...
 After an uncomfortable time of silence I say.."I am so sorry..did I????....."

He responds "I can not believe you just said that right after our prayer.  I opened this clinic 18 years ago with the intention of opening more.  Things never worked out and there was no call to do that.  All of a sudden this year I have had people from all over the country asking me to come and PLEASE open a clinic in their area.  My wife and I have been praying and trying to decide what God would have us do.  Me opening more clinics would take me away from here and that is going to be hard to do.  But we wanted to do God's will.  And just this morning I sat in prayer asking God to please give me a clear answer, a clear message.  I feel like I have waited and prayed so long I just want to know and then the first patient I have this morning says so clearly to me..you need to open up  a chain.  I just can't believe you said that."
It was a cool moment.  I was humbled..God used me.  He had me speak for Him.  He helped someone through me. It all of a sudden felt so INTENTIONAL...so specific..so PLANNED!! The appointment mistake..the Dr. switch...Pete going to work later...me missing a fun night at a friends...it all made sense.
 I got lucky today and know it. That feels cool...
 And I hope that I am worthy of God's choosing again and I hope I can keep that in mind when things don't always go according to my plans...

And try to remember....HE HAS BETTER ONES!!
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