Most of us have left parties or other social situations regretting things we have said. Or maybe regretting the snort you let out during a laughing fit. I know I have left many situations thinking to myself, "Self, why do you let yourself out? And why do you let yourself out and SPEAK?"
Last week while having dinner with some friends a woman turns to me and says as serious as you can imagine...
"I think you are crazy for having 5 kids!"
Just to let you all know I am not embellishing for drama. I am QUOTING!!!
She then paused, as she realized what just came out of her mouth, and said, "I am probably just saying this because I have had a few glasses of wine."
I am thinking to myself, no, you said it because that is what you think...the wine just shut off your social filter...poor thing!
So, what did I say? I have to restrain myself when it comes to replying to comments such as this. What I really want to say is...
"That's funny because I think YOUR crazy for only having 2. I know your husband wants more..so why not? What is the matter with you."
But who would say that?? And really, I don't care how many children she has. The only reason I would be saying it would be to make a point because I certainly don't think she is crazy for living the life she has chosen. So, I just stuck to the safe, semi-snarkey reply...
I said, "That is an interesting thing to say to someone..you think they are crazy."
She laughed and poured a little more of the social filter into her glass. I was hoping to hear more colorful remarks because I really do love engaging people in discussions that they would normally never have. I want her to hear me explain why we have five and why I want more. I want her to know that having little people is hard but I know they grow up and I get to enjoy them far longer than I get to struggle with them.
I love telling her that while she can't imagine EVER having another baby, I tell her I can't imagine NOT!!
I don't think that is crazy. I don't think her choice is crazy. God makes us each different . He gives us different abilities. I love discussing where I am coming from. I don't mind the questions really. I just wish I cold ask some of my own.
As you can imagine when it comes to homeschooling, people are always like...
"UUGHH, I could never do that."
Sometimes I want to respond...
"Me too...uuggghh I could NEVER send my kids to that school"
But it's not the same to those people. They would be so offended that I had a negative reaction to their choice. Never mind that I learned long ago...as a mom you can never say I WILL NEVER SO THAT.
So for now I just stick with the safe replies and use each question, whether it is asking charitably or snarkey, as a chance to share another side of the story. A story that may be different from the one they were focused on..but a good story nonetheless.