I will say first that these pictures have NOTHING to do with what I am going to write about. There are no clever pictures to go with these words...
I need HELP!! My Emily has asked to go to school. She wants to go to Middle School..like The Middle School that is run out of this house without me!! Where do I begin?? How can I explain my feelings? Out of all the reasons I choose to home school, one of the biggest was to avoid Middle School. I personally turned down a few bad roads in middle school and this began a great decline of my youth that took me YEARS to bring my self back from.
Pete will often ask if I am being a bit dramatic over my thoughts on middle school...The drama was pretty bad for me I don't think I need to exaggerate to explain my version of 7th and 8th grade. But this cry for help is about Emily. She has met a lot of really nice girls that go to the local public school here in our neighborhood. Sweet girls ! But even this little microcosm of exposure has given us small bits of adolescent drama. One day the girls LOVE you ...the next they won't look at you. One day you are part of a threesome and the next day they go out of their way to let you know you are part of NOTHING!!
This is not a big deal because we get small doses and we get to talk about the reasons why girls do this and mostly I explain it as insecure behavior that comes from good girls who don't know what to do with certain feelings. But we move on, get lots of school done and dabble in girl drama mostly on the weekends when these little girls are around to play. I like the ability to talk to the girls about these situations and give them the right tools to deal with these social situations so I am not complaining about our weekend dealings. I just like them to be isolated to the weekend so our weeks can focus on the business of school and learning.
But Emily has been hearing about the great move to Middle School that her friends will be making next year. (Around here 6th grade is the first year of middle school. Like 7th and 8th being considered "Middle School" was not bad enough..they threw on 6th grade!!!). So this has her thinking...."Maybe school would be fun!!"
I have struggled with home schooling for lots of reasons lots of different times. I think it is hard and some times I DON'T to do it!! But I started this plan with a goal in mind. I wanted to try and train up a young girl who knew herself and felt confident in who she was. I wanted her to love God and know her faith. I wanted her to love her siblings and try and put others before herself. I wanted all good things for her and I thought I would be able to attempt these things if I home schooled her. I am sure lots of non home school girls have these traits as well...but this was the way I saw for our family. I never know when I will be at the end of this road...but I can say for certain I do not think it is at the door to Middle School. I have more work to do. I have more situations to go through with her. She has more confidence to gain. We are not there yet. We are not ready for school yet.
I get worried thinking.."What if I am wrong by keeping her home when she does not "want" to be here?" But then I think..."What if sending her to school is wrong and if I just would have waited a few more years she could have been that much more of who she is supposed to be." So we talked and talked and talked. She herself does not know if she REALLY wants to go to school. When Pete asked her what her main reason for wanting to go to school and she said..."Lunch!" She wants to go to the lunch room. We laughed and then I thought the answer was so HER...So we talked some more and then I started to feel her getting nervous..once she thought I was really considering it I felt her get nervous..on edge a little.
So I began thinking and praying and thinking and praying. What do I say to her? What do I do myself? Does she go because she thinks she wants to? Do I change my goals and vision for our family because she wants to have a lunch room experience? Does she really know what she wants?
When I talked to her tonight I told her there would be no Middle School. I would consider High School in 3 years...but right now middle school is not the place I want to launch her. At least in High School there is a different level of maturity ...if only by a little. And by then if she really wants to go to school she will have to come up with a better reason than LUNCH!! And I told her that next year I would be sure to get her involved in the middle school co-op at our church (which I believe has some sort of lunch feature) and she would stay with her day school which has a separate 6th grade class and of course ...lunch. She will feel like a middle schooler next year, even in our home school.
And what was her reaction you ask?? I think relieved...I think the idea of school is scary in a lot of ways and she is not 100% wanting to go..but enough to ask. She was happy to hear that we would revisit and seriously consider High School when the time came.... if she was still really wanting to go. But for now we are here ...doing this!!
Now ...for those people who send their kids to school outside their home I want to explain that I am not an ANTI-SCHOOL home schooler. I DO not think that home schooling is the only way for a family to achieve good kids and a great family life...this is just what I want for me and mine. It is what I think is best for the people that have been given to me...this is where I can be the best mom I am supposed to be for them. I find the sacrifices I am forced to make by home schooling actually make me a better person. Even when I don't like the sacrificing I have to do..I know that I am being made better by making them.
Is this all about me?? What is good for me?? No..but I have to do what I think is best for all involved and I am definitely INVOLVED in these kids!!
So the help I need comes in the form of your opinion. I just want to know..what would you do? What do you think? What should I do? What would you do?
I was not going to write this here. I don't know why. I thought, what will people think? But then I realized that I wanted to know what you thought. I want the mamas who I so look up to that have older girls tell me there girls also asked to go to school and what you said. I want to know why you did or didn't. I just want to know...
