Monday, November 9, 2015
I used to have so much to say here in this space. I would compose blog posts while I ran, while I showered. Pretty much all the time I was thinking about writing something. But lately, like the last 3 years, I have had very little to say. I still love the idea of sharing a glimpse of my life...I just am not sure what is worth sharing anymore.
I hate to say that I have been so busy it has been hard for me to find the time to write here...because I always hate hearing how people are "so busy" they do not have the time...I have plenty of time I spend doing LOTS of other things. But I just don't seem to find myself in front of this screen often.
And right now with so many growing people around me I am VERY aware of the things I am doing they are VERY much observing. I don't like them spending much time in front of screens. So I try to set an example. So there. That is a little bit of what has been going on.
I have been VERY busy setting an example. And sometimes I realize I am doing a horrible job...or maybe I should see it as showing an example of how NOT to behave. Since my kids are in school and away from me the majority of the day I have to be even more tuned in when I do get to be with them.
And lately my brain is filled with doing and saying the right thing in this house..to these people. I wish I had some wisdom to share here. The only wisdom I have to share is ...boy, being a mama is the most heartbreaking wonderful thing I will ever get to do. But I think us mama's all get that. That's not news to anyone...but some days I am OVERWHELMED with gratitude that I get to do this.
I am starting the wrap up process over here. There was a small window when we thought we would get to stay here in Sitka for 2 more years. That was pretty exciting for us to think about not having to move..staying in one place for 5 years. In this place. But the window closed for us, but opened for someone else. We are grateful to have been brought back here. But it is time to start the whole leaving process and I kind of love/fear/loath this part.
The do-er in me loves to get things done, paint walls, move furniture, get rid of things....make things happen. I put a lot of work into selling our house and it can be fun when you get into making it all come together and somebody else likes it enough to buy it.
But my poor family. They have to live with me literally cleaning up under them ...
So..if anyone is in the market for a super cute house in Southeast Alaska..please let me know. I would love to check that off my list.
Monday, October 5, 2015
When I set out to have kids never did I imagine I would have 6. My faith was not a big part of my life in the beginning of my parenting journey. And now I can't imagine doing one without having the other.
I was pretty late to the game when it came to relationship with God. And I would still consider myself a freshman in faith. And to think of where I was when I was a teen, I could only use the word...inconvenienced. Me being Catholic was a major damper when it came to my young self. I HAD to go to CCD...mass occasionally...that was it. And that was enough to be burdened by God at that age.
I was so removed that I did not even realize I was removed.
But now I have teens...and my hope is they don't have the same detachment that I did. I very much want them to be attached . But the truth is...they may not be. They will question, and deny and turn away. We all do. They will to. Jesus had people turn away right in front of him. I will not be more persuasive than Him...I am sure of that.
I will do things differently then some...and other ways may be better...but my greatest prayer is that each of them will love God and rely on him and have Him be part of their life. I know faith does not make things easier..or better...or more fun in a teens mind. But I HOPE they will find it was worth it.
Friday, October 2, 2015
My goodness...it seems like I just pushed play on school and now we are in October. September was FILLED with so much that I actual feel a breeze whip by my face just thinking over it.
I have gained so much clarity over the last 2 months and I seem to have gotten a good perspective over some of the struggles I have had the last 2 years here. It is all part of God's plan. I often have wondered why we got moved here and really scratched my head wondering.
But through our weakness and mistakes we are made stronger and better. I am nowhere talented enough to express in words the way the Lord has been working in my life but I have been given a season of consolation and I am feeling very grateful and somewhat unworthy at the moment. I think the hardest thing sometimes with our relationship with God and our faith is the ability to forgive ourselves. It can be much easier to forgive someone else for a hurt or mistake...but actually letting yourself off the hook is much harder.
I have to forgive myself in order to move on and I am working on that. I am not perfect...but that is what is so perfect ...I don't have to be. God calls and loves us in our imperfection. He knows we will fail..over and over again. But there is His grace. And actually being open to that grace is what will lead us to forgive ourselves the way He has.
We are entering the Year of Mercy. And my goal is to be merciful to myself...and only then can I share that mercy with others. And the one thing I learn OVER and OVER again is we all need forgiveness, mercy, and a heart of gratitude.
And on this sunny day here in Sitka..I am BURSTING with gratitude for so many things. Especially the grace I have been given to realize what a gift this feeling is...it does not last...
Those 6 kids up there...I made those kids...each one of them were a gift from God and some days I forget that. I forget that when I loose my patience and feel burdened by their needs. Those are the days I am not asking for God's help..those are the days I think I can do this alone. I can not...not even for 1 minute can I do this without Him.
NONE of us can.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
I have been pretty obsessed lately with knitting. I go through phases with how much I knit. This time I feel like I am more involved then ever. I wrote Ginny an email and had to erase half of it because I felt like it was a bit dramatic the way I was describing my feelings on knitting...maybe not info I need to share if I want people to think I have not lost my mind. It is just wool, sticks and loops after all.
For now I have landed on making HATS...a lot of hats. The 100 Stitch Slouch has been my pattern of choice. I have made several hats using the white, black and yellow color combo. I can't stop myself. I have lots of Tosh yarn so I have been using that up. I love the stitch definition Tosh yarn has...especially with hats.
And of course my very favorite thing to knit for my girls is the Sunday Sweater from Ginny. I am eagerly awaiting my new yarn for this year's new sweater....
I am not sure if anything makes me happier than seeing them march off to school with hand knits on...I'm serious. I get a little too excited if you ask them. I pretty much follow them around with my camera.
Monday, August 31, 2015
We are in the last year of our tour in Alaska. I have such a happy heart that we get to live here one more year. This is a year filled with lots of excitement, nerves, and anticipation.
Our family has gotten to live in such great places and meet such great friends and this place is no exception. A big piece of our heart will always stay on this island. But...I can't help but get excited about what is ahead. We have a whole new story waiting to live and it's fun to be safely tucked away in this place while dreaming of the next.
The start of school always feels so full of excitement. This year is especially exciting because the kids have found their groove and now they just get to live in it. Next year will be a whole new story..but right now they get to have a year filled with great friends in a very special place. They do not need to worry about what is ahead. That is my job...but not yet.
God has brought so many great people and places into our life and I trust that will be the case for the next step..if anything I plan to appreciate this process more now than ever before. We may be coming close to the end of living this adventure with the Coast Guard ....and I know I will miss it!!
But for now...we are very much living in the moment....with 6 kids that's about all I can do.