Thursday, July 28, 2016
A while ago at my brother in laws wedding Pete's cousin Christa's oldest daughter and I were talking...I think she was about 4 years old at the time so it was a typical conversation..."What's your favorite color Claire?" I asked her.
She answered, "white!"
I was kind of amazed by that answer. Most little girls were predicable with answering, pink..maybe purple...but white was totally not what I was expecting. From her answer I was able to clarify my own favorite color....my favorite color was white too...but I never really embraced it as my favorite color because it was not really a color. It is white.
It is the color I could not wear for most of my life because I tend to be a bit messy in my surroundings and I knew white would show all.
But the love of the brightness of white has won over the worry of showing my mistakes. I have moved in and out of several homes and with this last one I decided to use my favorite color more than ever before. I know it will show some of my mess sometimes and may not always be practical among the mess that walks around here most of the time..but I don't care anymore. Or maybe I do care.
I have been a stay at home mom for almost 15 years. I create the base for all the memories these kids are creating. Our house and our things color the pictures of their past. I want that to be surrounded with brightness and light.
Some moms don't get to stay home as long as I have. Some have gone back to work. Our lives all change as our kids grow up. My life has changed and the colors along with it. I know what I like a bit more these days. I like white. And thanks to Claire, I have answered that favorite color question with the same color for 10 years. I am not sure if she has.
Monday, July 25, 2016
It has been almost 1 month since moving into our house, and 2 since leaving Sitka. It feels like I can finally say we have come to the end of this move. This, by far, has been the hardest move EVER!
Leaving a place you love, going to a job and town unknown, all felt very impossible to handle. We still love the place we left...we still don't know much about the "job"...except Pete leaves the house at 5:30 and gets home about 7:30. The town is great and the church we go to is amazing. The sun shines just about all the time and we LOVE our house.
I got us moved in pretty quick. We were anxious to be "done" moving in. Pete was away on a trip the day the movers came. When he first told me he would not be here the week the movers were dropping off our stuff I was speechless for several hours. I could not even fathom doing all of that myself. But I did do it myself.
It reminded me of the time I changed the battery in the smoke detector while Pete was away ...of course at 2:00 in the morning. I was always afraid of that happening when he was gone. It did. I handled it...and then kind of felt amazing.
I'm 40. There are so many things I have yet to accomplish...but this move added several things to my "did it" list. I have hung 95% of the curtain rods in the house..something I never did before...
I put together several pieces of furniture MYSELF! Most everything I have done since getting here I have done alone...unless you count the little chickens with me...
Our trip here was fast and furious. I was a horrible picture taker on the way..and never once recorded where we were or what we did. I do know that these pictures are from Montana. We stopped and fished as many times as we could.
We also went to the Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin...which we all loved. We wish we did more and felt like we left a lot on the table..but right now I am very much living in the philosophy of "we are doing the best we can".
We did the best we could traveling with 2 heart sick teens, one rushed dad (he was starting work in 21 days), and a variety of other people with never ending needs.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Some weekends are just a big deal. Everybody seems to have something big we get to do. And this weekend was very much one of those..plus a little side of Mother's Day!
And that was my big deal....
Yes, seeing Drew play his first t-ball game was a big deal..
.seeing my girls dance on stage was such a sweet privilege .. a pretty big deal.
But having felt loved by all my family was the best deal..especially by the guy who runs this family with me. Not all Mother's Days go very well...unmet expectations...nothing going my way.
This day was simple...but pretty close to perfect. Pete and I laughed a lot and he made it special to the very end.. nothing big..just a few walks, a bike ride and feeling like he really does know me after 20 years of being married..and 14 of being a mama.
That's what felt special. I love being a mom and thank God for the grace I have been given by being their mama!!
Friday, May 6, 2016
I can't leave you hanging thinking I may still be crying. I am recovered and moving on..until the next valley, I will be enjoying the peaks.
With 25 days left to throw rocks, run in the driving rain and wind, walk through Totem Park, talk to Jane on the Cross Trial, watch Pete fly fish, enjoy the immense pleasure of sun in the sky after many many days without it, drive on gravel, watch concerts and dance recitals, sit at the muddy baseball fields, pass people all day in my car and wave at more than half of them..sometimes several times a day, eat with friends at the Channel Club, have people take my kids camping, watching boats leave the harbor every morning while I am running, hearing float planes take off outside my door, see fresh snow on Verstovia even though we are in May, shop at the grocery store with the best view in the world, sit at the beach any afternoon that we can, walking into town...
It's all good.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Yesterday I cried just about all day. I was a huge wreck. It was Sunday. We were all together. We had a lot to get done. I was weeping through most of it. And I must admit to being like that all weekend.
We moved into the 3rd of 3 rentals before we depart Sitka June 1. The last house was probably the worst place I have ever lived in. Actually...there is no proabably..IT WAS THE WORST PLACE EVER! Size was not the issue, It had the right amount of square footage...but the whole place was just SAD! It made me sad. It made all of us sad.
I will say that April has been probably the worst month in a long time..for all of us. My older girls are struggling and their hearts are being hurt by this whole moving situation and I struggle with a hurt heart for them. Middle school is a hard age...kids not being invited to parties from kids we considered good friends..all of a sudden. It all hurts. I did not expect some of this. So it can knock you down a little...
And you have to go back and look at the big picture. We came with 8 of us and we will leave with 8 of us. We have each other. We have not had much other family for 3 years and we tried to make up for that loss of family with friends..the Coast Guard is a small community that has often felt like family...but this time things have been different and we just need to adjust.
We all do the best we can..that is what I tell myself and my kids. When they feel heart broken over feeling like their friends have already forgotten them..I try and reassure us both that we all are doing the best we can...
And then I remind myself that I must always try and do my best for them too...
Friday, April 1, 2016
Now that we are 8 weeks away from leaving Sitka Pete and I have begun to plan our trip back east.
We have a shorter time than we would like, but I can kind of get anxious about getting to where we need to be and I have a hard time enjoying the journey.
But I am trying to plan to enjoy this journey. This will be the first time we have taken a trip like this when I have not been pregnant or have a 1 year old with us. Our kids are getting older which makes some things more possible. But plans come with a price tag and that can be a bummer.
I wish I was the "let's just camp" type of girl...but I'm not. I'm more of a lets find a really good restaurant near a cute hotel type of girl.
We are trying to have some anchors in our trip so we plan around those events. Guess what my anchor is???
Going to Tolt in Carnation Washington. Pete wants to fly fish in Bozeman Montana. And I think we are going t try to get Lucy to celebrate her birthday at the Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin. But the rest we are trying to fill in. Any cool spots you guys know of?...preferably near a cute yarn store??