Trying Harder

We have gotten to visit with lots of family while we have been on this 6 week adventure.  Taking this time in Florida before we move up north has been a once in a lifetime chance.  We have lived with Pete's dad for most of it.  And the kids have slept 5 to a room for several weeks now.  Overall we have gained more through this than I imagined.

In the midst of the struggle I know there is growth..... and all of us need that sometimes.

The best part of all of this is I have been blessed by seeing cousins, Aunts and Uncles; and all of them encouraging me with such kind words.  Telling me they enjoy my kids and wonder at my ability to do it.

These types of statements strike me on 2 levels.  The first level is...man, I don't think I am doing that great:

...you should have seen me loose it this morning when I found a ROLL of toilet tissue soaking on the bathroom floor that was drenched with water because somebody did not close the shower curtain for the 900th time.  My ability to "do it" was not at its best at that moment

....or the afternoon when I may have gone crazy when I noticed Lucy had dumped a bucket of DIRT in dad's hot tub....Not sure I was being the mom God created me to be at that moment....When hearing the sweet comments of my family I mostly feel...unworthy....

The next emotion is ...convicted....by somebody complimenting the kids manners I am convicted to use my own manners WITH THEM more.....by being complimented on handling tattling well...I am convicted to try harder...more often.  By my family saying nice things to me about me being a mom... it makes me want to be a BETTER mom.


Saying nice things, making people feel good...it matters.  It helps!  It feels good!!

I have had this thought with me often when I have sat in the cry room with Drew these last few weeks (as we have hit AWFUL baby at mass phase).  I see these young mama's working hard to keep their kids functioning through mass.  I see them feeling completely deflated and I want to encourage ALL of them.... You are doing a good job.  You are here!!  You are trying...keep trying...I say a little prayer of peace for them ...and then I go back to trying to not feel deflated myself.

I am trying.  When people say nice things it makes me want to try harder....Let me go now and say some nice things to my little people who probably need to try harder....

What To Do??

My mind has been racing these last few weeks.  We have been busy in a way that I never imagined.  I kinda really dig it.  I like the challenge and the adventure.  Not always the crashes that come along side this type of adventure...but what a ride.










 We spent some time in Mobile with friends that we miss in a big way.  When I am with them I am convicted in a BIG way ...I want to be a better Catholic just by being in the presence of these moms!! They. Are . The. Best..and they make me want to be the best.  How lucky am I??













So..you wanna hear the truth?? My mind and heart have been opening up more and more to home schooling again.  Slowly my mind and heart are thinking about giving it another go.  When I was in Mobile I spent time with these amazing young catholic girls and I was reminded of the beautiful product home schooling produces.  I want back in....












Here is the deal...my girls do NOT.  They do not want to go back to "not being part of school" and all the fun things school has meant for them.  Try as I might, I can't help but take this reaction personal.  I will say that the schools the kids went to were AMAZING schools.  They were not Catholic...but they were REALLY good.  Great families and very amazing teachers. We all loved it!!









For the first few days when the Holy Spirit started whispering I just hushed it....then I stopped and said.."Really...Lord..are you serious??  Is this me or You??"  Still not sure.  But I started texting friends and making phone calls.  The girls got wind and started their own campaign....TO NOT HOMESCHOOL...

I asked Emily to try and pray about it.  I know at this moment she feels like she does not want to but I asked her to ask God what the right thing for her is.  I don't know if Emily prays on her own yet.  But maybe she needs a good reason.  And for Molly...she still follows Emily's lead.  But come to think of it...I should set Molly to praying for both Emily and I to know what is right and then maybe Molly will help us decide.


;

So...now I need to pray.  We all need to be on board...or at least I need to feel strongly enough that I can keep it together.  I know the challenges and being where we are will really present some challenges.











The big picture....that is what I need to keep in mind.....My story over this whole wonderfully crazy life God has given me.

I need a prayer...I asked a friend for a prayer to help me decide and she said she would get back to me.  Then today...PENTACOST...I knew...the Holy Spirit prayer...OF COURSE!!!

 












I like to be inspired.  I was inspired by amazing women the first time I home schooled.  And then I stayed home schooling in Mobile because I was surrounded by inspiration.  And in Virginia...I had amazing people around me who did amazing things and I somehow lost my inspiration.  I blame myself.  I am the one who lost focus....maybe I should not say "blame"...but I was the one who lost my own way to be inspired.

I would do things a little different.  I would use a different curriculum.  I would be different...I think.

I thought I would be this GREAT "school" mom...but to tell the truth ...I was not.  I got mad at the girls all the time for things that they were doing in school (school work stuff).  I hated after school snack because all they wanted was junk and they would not eat their dinner.  The kids needed to PLAY OUTSIDE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD...but they had homework.  And Drew was just entering the hold me or I will cry you to death hour of the day.  And guess what..the math teacher expected me to know how to help when she was NOT ALLOWED TO BRING HOME THE TEXT BOOK!!!

Right now I don't know..but I am working on it.  Should we just start school and see if the different school will be the same place the girls hope it will be??  Should we start at home and then try for school in High School...



 

I Can't Believe It

I made it to May!!!

Back in February I was thinking that May seemed like it would never get here.  Everything changed and so much depended where the kids and I would live during the month of May.

I have lived...I made it.  I am living these days.  I am making the most of this time.

I set some goals that I seem to be keeping up with.  My first goal is dinner....

I wanted to do my best to feed my kids the best I could with being out of our own home.  I wanted to "make dinner" a priority.  I have read, written, cooked and planned and I am ENERGIZED!!

I have a plan for our dinner future.  The future of now and the future of later.  We are moving to a pretty remote area.  Two grocery stores grace the island and the restaurants are not in abundance.  There is a Subway and a McDonald's..and that is about it. I have big plans and they should be yummy and filled with love.  Taking care of this family means feeding them....and feeding them well...

I am super excited about all of it.....

Big Decisions

When I started this blog I was really good about taking pictures of everything we did.  I did not mind the fact that all craziness would go on around me while I was fooling with my camera.  Playing with settings and finding good angles was more important that keeping control of situations.  Sometimes this may have annoyed Pete. But I was to  busy taking pictures to notice.













Since being here in Florida I have had to be more discerning when taking pictures.  Should I risk loosing little Drew just to snap a photo?  Most of the time I make the right choice, the other half of the time I forget to bring my camera.














At this point in my life I am THRILLED to discovery I packed diapers and wipes.  If I grabbed a bib I feel like mom of the year.  I am mostly OK with me not having what I need when I would like it.  But sometimes I annoy myself. 















Most people around me are sweet about it.  They just kinda laugh when Drew is COVERED from head to toe in ketchup.  I know what they are thinking. I'm usually thinking it too..."How Gross Is That??"









So with all this said.....  I have been forgetting to take pictures most places I go and wherever I am my kids are usually to messy for me to photograph.

 So just imagine..lots of kids (most with ketchup on them somewhere), calling my name every 3 seconds...I am USUALLY REALLY HOT, and we are surrounded by sunshine and great photo opportunities with friends and family and I am missing it all looking in my car for diapers and wipes....