Sunday, May 8, 2016
Some weekends are just a big deal. Everybody seems to have something big we get to do. And this weekend was very much one of those..plus a little side of Mother's Day!
And that was my big deal....
Yes, seeing Drew play his first t-ball game was a big deal..
.seeing my girls dance on stage was such a sweet privilege .. a pretty big deal.
But having felt loved by all my family was the best deal..especially by the guy who runs this family with me. Not all Mother's Days go very well...unmet expectations...nothing going my way.
This day was simple...but pretty close to perfect. Pete and I laughed a lot and he made it special to the very end.. nothing big..just a few walks, a bike ride and feeling like he really does know me after 20 years of being married..and 14 of being a mama.
That's what felt special. I love being a mom and thank God for the grace I have been given by being their mama!!
Friday, May 6, 2016
I can't leave you hanging thinking I may still be crying. I am recovered and moving on..until the next valley, I will be enjoying the peaks.
With 25 days left to throw rocks, run in the driving rain and wind, walk through Totem Park, talk to Jane on the Cross Trial, watch Pete fly fish, enjoy the immense pleasure of sun in the sky after many many days without it, drive on gravel, watch concerts and dance recitals, sit at the muddy baseball fields, pass people all day in my car and wave at more than half of them..sometimes several times a day, eat with friends at the Channel Club, have people take my kids camping, watching boats leave the harbor every morning while I am running, hearing float planes take off outside my door, see fresh snow on Verstovia even though we are in May, shop at the grocery store with the best view in the world, sit at the beach any afternoon that we can, walking into town...
It's all good.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Yesterday I cried just about all day. I was a huge wreck. It was Sunday. We were all together. We had a lot to get done. I was weeping through most of it. And I must admit to being like that all weekend.
We moved into the 3rd of 3 rentals before we depart Sitka June 1. The last house was probably the worst place I have ever lived in. Actually...there is no proabably..IT WAS THE WORST PLACE EVER! Size was not the issue, It had the right amount of square footage...but the whole place was just SAD! It made me sad. It made all of us sad.
I will say that April has been probably the worst month in a long time..for all of us. My older girls are struggling and their hearts are being hurt by this whole moving situation and I struggle with a hurt heart for them. Middle school is a hard age...kids not being invited to parties from kids we considered good friends..all of a sudden. It all hurts. I did not expect some of this. So it can knock you down a little...
And you have to go back and look at the big picture. We came with 8 of us and we will leave with 8 of us. We have each other. We have not had much other family for 3 years and we tried to make up for that loss of family with friends..the Coast Guard is a small community that has often felt like family...but this time things have been different and we just need to adjust.
We all do the best we can..that is what I tell myself and my kids. When they feel heart broken over feeling like their friends have already forgotten them..I try and reassure us both that we all are doing the best we can...
And then I remind myself that I must always try and do my best for them too...
Friday, April 1, 2016
Now that we are 8 weeks away from leaving Sitka Pete and I have begun to plan our trip back east.
We have a shorter time than we would like, but I can kind of get anxious about getting to where we need to be and I have a hard time enjoying the journey.
But I am trying to plan to enjoy this journey. This will be the first time we have taken a trip like this when I have not been pregnant or have a 1 year old with us. Our kids are getting older which makes some things more possible. But plans come with a price tag and that can be a bummer.
I wish I was the "let's just camp" type of girl...but I'm not. I'm more of a lets find a really good restaurant near a cute hotel type of girl.
We are trying to have some anchors in our trip so we plan around those events. Guess what my anchor is???
Going to Tolt in Carnation Washington. Pete wants to fly fish in Bozeman Montana. And I think we are going t try to get Lucy to celebrate her birthday at the Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin. But the rest we are trying to fill in. Any cool spots you guys know of?...preferably near a cute yarn store??
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
A fishing harbor is like a river..it is constantly changing. The boats come and go, planes drive on by and birds are everywhere....and this is now our backyard...for a few more days.
Lots has happened since the last time I typed words in this space. And the friend in me wants to pour out every detail...but the REAL friend in me knows I must be brief.
#1. We sold our house and moved out 2 weeks ago. It was a crazy ride and I was not sure I was ever going to type those words "we sold the house". After Pete being gone for 10 weeks and lots of ups and downs with the house sale I kind of feel proud of myself for making it all happen.
The very last day in our house, when the movers shut the door for the last time and it was just me in the empty house, my face broke into a HUGE unexpected smile. The feeling of joy and pride was so overwhelming..all I could do was grin. I may have squealed just a bit too.
We never really wanted to buy a house this time in Alaska. This is a small town with 9000 people. It can be a risk needing to sell a house on a strict time line. I kind of worried about it since we bought it....so that grin that day was a long time coming.
#2. We are not leaving Sitka until June 1. Which left me with the problem of being homeless after our house closed. I did the best I could and I was able to rent 3 different fully furnished rentals. I wish I could have gotten 1 rental for the 3 months, but that was not an option. Instead, I get to live in 3 different places until we leave.
I packed 1 clothes tote for each child, a tote for myself, a suitcase for Pete, various sports stuff and a ridiculous amount of stuffed animals. The houses are all furnished so we did not have to worry about household stuff.
Since moving out mid March we have been staying in a really nice "loft" style apartment. It is roomy and really nice. For April we have a little yellow house that has 3 bedrooms and a small yard. I'm looking forward to the yard. Right now the kids can't really be outside with me since we live on a working fishing dock..very cool...but not a great place for kids to play.
For the month of May my family may want to kill me. All I could find in May that was not $8000 was a small apartment that says sleeps 6. I figured Drew and Priscilla are small enough to count as 1 and I could find space for whoever needed it after that. We will see how that goes. May begins tourist season in earnest an I could not be picky. I'm grateful I found that place. We promised the kids we would let them finish the school year..so we had to stay through May!
#3. We bought a house in Maryland..and I am very excited to move there. I will miss Sitka with all of my heart. And sometimes I can't even think about it...so I won't right now.
I'm here..listening to float planes taking off, sea gulls feasting on herring eggs, and boats drifting by...I know I will miss this, but right now I've got it!
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
"Love the person, not the personality!"
Those words were spoken by my priest this weekend in his homily. It was exactly what I needed to hear. He was talking about a story from long ago when he first became a priest. There was a change of leadership at a church where the pastor was very dynamic and well loved by his parishioners. The new pastor was not seen as enthusiastic as the previous priest. The congregation was frustrated and began writing letters trying to convince whoever would listen that the new pastor was not doing a good job.
After awhile the dynamic priest became aware of his former parishes complaint. He found an excuse to come back one weekend and celebrate mass. He began mass by apologizing to everybody in the pews..at first people were relieved thinking he was saying sorry he left them. But he went on, "I'm sorry I failed you all. You see, I may have built a great, thriving parish but I clearly missed teaching you all to love. You must love the person, not just the personality."
He went on to explain that we love Christ..therefore must love who is in "persona Christi"...in place of Christ....even if we don't LOVE the personality!
I sat there on Sunday, just having wrapped up a pretty weepy week, stunned. I have a child that I was failing to LOVE...and it was exactly for this reason..PERSONALITY !!
My sweet child and I can struggle to get along sometimes and I was thinking all week that I just wished I had the key to fixing it. I remember thinking that...what am I missing...
LOVE...not performance....not attention...not expectations...not failures....not hurt feelings...not past mistakes..just LOVE.
Simple...not the personality...THE PERSON!!
... not the grades produced....The PERSON!
.... not the conversations we have or don't have....THE PERSON!