Monday, October 5, 2015
When I set out to have kids never did I imagine I would have 6. My faith was not a big part of my life in the beginning of my parenting journey. And now I can't imagine doing one without having the other.
I was pretty late to the game when it came to relationship with God. And I would still consider myself a freshman in faith. And to think of where I was when I was a teen, I could only use the word...inconvenienced. Me being Catholic was a major damper when it came to my young self. I HAD to go to CCD...mass occasionally...that was it. And that was enough to be burdened by God at that age.
I was so removed that I did not even realize I was removed.
But now I have teens...and my hope is they don't have the same detachment that I did. I very much want them to be attached . But the truth is...they may not be. They will question, and deny and turn away. We all do. They will to. Jesus had people turn away right in front of him. I will not be more persuasive than Him...I am sure of that.
I will do things differently then some...and other ways may be better...but my greatest prayer is that each of them will love God and rely on him and have Him be part of their life. I know faith does not make things easier..or better...or more fun in a teens mind. But I HOPE they will find it was worth it.
Friday, October 2, 2015
My goodness...it seems like I just pushed play on school and now we are in October. September was FILLED with so much that I actual feel a breeze whip by my face just thinking over it.
I have gained so much clarity over the last 2 months and I seem to have gotten a good perspective over some of the struggles I have had the last 2 years here. It is all part of God's plan. I often have wondered why we got moved here and really scratched my head wondering.
But through our weakness and mistakes we are made stronger and better. I am nowhere talented enough to express in words the way the Lord has been working in my life but I have been given a season of consolation and I am feeling very grateful and somewhat unworthy at the moment. I think the hardest thing sometimes with our relationship with God and our faith is the ability to forgive ourselves. It can be much easier to forgive someone else for a hurt or mistake...but actually letting yourself off the hook is much harder.
I have to forgive myself in order to move on and I am working on that. I am not perfect...but that is what is so perfect ...I don't have to be. God calls and loves us in our imperfection. He knows we will fail..over and over again. But there is His grace. And actually being open to that grace is what will lead us to forgive ourselves the way He has.
We are entering the Year of Mercy. And my goal is to be merciful to myself...and only then can I share that mercy with others. And the one thing I learn OVER and OVER again is we all need forgiveness, mercy, and a heart of gratitude.
And on this sunny day here in Sitka..I am BURSTING with gratitude for so many things. Especially the grace I have been given to realize what a gift this feeling is...it does not last...
Those 6 kids up there...I made those kids...each one of them were a gift from God and some days I forget that. I forget that when I loose my patience and feel burdened by their needs. Those are the days I am not asking for God's help..those are the days I think I can do this alone. I can not...not even for 1 minute can I do this without Him.
NONE of us can.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
I have been pretty obsessed lately with knitting. I go through phases with how much I knit. This time I feel like I am more involved then ever. I wrote Ginny an email and had to erase half of it because I felt like it was a bit dramatic the way I was describing my feelings on knitting...maybe not info I need to share if I want people to think I have not lost my mind. It is just wool, sticks and loops after all.
For now I have landed on making HATS...a lot of hats. The 100 Stitch Slouch has been my pattern of choice. I have made several hats using the white, black and yellow color combo. I can't stop myself. I have lots of Tosh yarn so I have been using that up. I love the stitch definition Tosh yarn has...especially with hats.
And of course my very favorite thing to knit for my girls is the Sunday Sweater from Ginny. I am eagerly awaiting my new yarn for this year's new sweater....
I am not sure if anything makes me happier than seeing them march off to school with hand knits on...I'm serious. I get a little too excited if you ask them. I pretty much follow them around with my camera.
Monday, August 31, 2015
We are in the last year of our tour in Alaska. I have such a happy heart that we get to live here one more year. This is a year filled with lots of excitement, nerves, and anticipation.
Our family has gotten to live in such great places and meet such great friends and this place is no exception. A big piece of our heart will always stay on this island. But...I can't help but get excited about what is ahead. We have a whole new story waiting to live and it's fun to be safely tucked away in this place while dreaming of the next.
The start of school always feels so full of excitement. This year is especially exciting because the kids have found their groove and now they just get to live in it. Next year will be a whole new story..but right now they get to have a year filled with great friends in a very special place. They do not need to worry about what is ahead. That is my job...but not yet.
God has brought so many great people and places into our life and I trust that will be the case for the next step..if anything I plan to appreciate this process more now than ever before. We may be coming close to the end of living this adventure with the Coast Guard ....and I know I will miss it!!
But for now...we are very much living in the moment....with 6 kids that's about all I can do.
Friday, August 28, 2015
August was a big month for me this year. I think the most exciting thing I did was finish my Georgetown sweater. That was so exciting I just about could not contain myself. I had no idea the amount of joy that came out of that project. I made the sweater longer than the pattern called for and I am such an impatient knitter that I am always making small mistakes that I just ignore. So the finished product never is guaranteed to look that way I hoped.
I tackled another knitting hurdle in August...I knit socks. Pete has been DYING for me to knit socks. He is not sure there is a point to knitting much else...but I don't see it that way at all. I did not enjoy knitting the socks at all. I do think they are adorable and they were not hard at all. You do have to pay attention in certain areas...which can be a problem for me. Not sure when the next pair will be on my needles. I do feel a bit bad that I did not knit them for him.
And then there has been my failed attempts at dying yarn. I can't even get into how bad of a fail it was...just trust me. Burned yarn was involved and maybe a moment or two of hopelessness. I have to remind myself that any worth doing is worth doing badly..at first at least. I did it badly and I am trying again, and again, and again.
I remember when I knit my first scarf. I was kind of bummed that it felt like it took a lot of work and I was not exactly in love with the finished product...my hand hurt and I never felt relaxed when knitting it...the opposite in fact. I wanted so badly to be good at knitting! I have that same desire with this new venture. I want to be good at this. I am working in very small steps to get there. And it seems with each step forward I seem to be getting no where...
Not a problem...just a challenge! How exciting to await the outcome. I never would have thought that a knitting class in Mobile, AL, making a blue garter stitch scarf out of cotton yarn would eventually bring me to where I am today as a knitter. I am grateful to be here.